3:42 PM Reflection on Mother’s Death: What Is the Purpose of Life? |
By Tiexin, Malaysia
Setting My Goals and Going All Out On account of poverty, my family were always ridiculed and despised. From my childhood, my parents had been educating me, “You must be competitive. If you have good prospects in the future, no one will ever look down on us.” At that time, my only aim was to make it to the top and live up to my parents’ expectations through rigorous learning.
In elementary school, I studied very hard. In order to learn more words, every day I read newspapers to my dad after finishing my homework. Since Grade 3, every day I had been keeping a diary in Malay, English, and Chinese to raise my language proficiency. After much effort, I always did exceedingly well in my studies. To improve my performance further, I wanted to take after-school courses, but my dad couldn’t afford the expenses. So I had to spend my weekends working in a restaurant to pay for the courses. Since I was responsible for both orders and table cleaning, my work was a bit slow. As long as I was a little slow, my boss would shout abuse at me. Every time this happened, I felt so wronged that I always cried at night. I thought: If it weren’t for my tuition, I would never work for you. It was thus that I made money and learned at the same time. Owing to the hard-won tuition, I studied like mad. I went to bed after midnight and got up at 5 o’clock every day to review my lessons. And I barely even slept in a week when I prepared for an exam. When sleepy, I drank coffee to refresh myself, or caught a few Z’s at my desk during the break. Over a long period of time, it was too much for me to endure, yet to achieve my aim to distinguish myself, I was willing to stick at it, no matter how painful or exhausting it was.
After entering senior high school, the academic pressure was increasingly higher owing to the heavy burden of homework. In order to go to university, I was determined to do a part-time job for private tuition as I studied in my first year and then study hard in the next two years. Later I got a job in a coffee shop. The working hours were from 7:00 p.m. to 12:00 a.m. on weekdays, and from 7:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. on weekends. During that period, my workmates often dined and drank together. If I didn’t drink, they would say I was asocial. I grudgingly joined them so we could maintain a good relationship in the workplace. Until one time, I returned home at 1:00 am after getting a little tipsy. While I was washing my face and brushing my teeth, I suddenly felt weak throughout my body and fainted by the sink. As luck would have it, my dad heard me bump into a bucket, and he dragged me out of the bathroom. Later, he promised to pay for my private tuition. Therefore, I no longer had to do the part-time job. With that, I immersed myself into my study. On average I only slept for four hours each night. At noon, when I got home from school, I wolfed down my lunch and then shut myself in my room to review my schoolwork, seldom communicating with my family. Even eating and doing housework meant losing time for me. The constant strain was unbearable to me. After that, I was often plagued by insomnia. Because I kept drinking coffee over the long run, I had been immune to coffee. When I was sleepy, no amount of coffee would help.
June in 2011 saw my graduation from senior high school. At the moment that I got my college acceptance letter, I heaved a long sigh of relief as if success was just around the corner. Then I planned in my heart: After graduating from university, I will work for several years and make a sum of money, and with that I can start my own business to buy a house and car…. Just when I confidently drew the blueprint for my beautiful prospects, grievous news came by which I was crushed at once.
Mom’s Passing Away Soon after receiving my acceptance letter, I was unspeakably grieved to know that my mom had breast cancer caused by long-term overwork and too much mental strain. I was worrying that her disease could not be healed. If she passed away, what would be the use of my success? Afterward, I accompanied her to have the mastectomy in hospital. Mom often wanted end her life to be released from the unendurable pain and suffering, which pained me like a knife to the heart. For the first time, I got the sense that humans are so fragile before disease.
A year later mom was temporarily in a stable condition, and I returned to my university to continue my study. One day in August 2013, I received a call from my dad. He told me that mom was in the terminal stage of cancer, with the cancer cells spreading to her lungs, liver, and spinal cord. I nearly collapsed at the news. When I hurried home, my mom, who was in her late 40s, looked to be over 60. With her feet weak, she could only walk on crutches. Cancerous lungs made it difficult for her to breathe, so she had to recline in a lounge chair. Afterward, she had to be hospitalized because she couldn’t walk, and I took care of her in hospital. In the ward, I met many other cancer sufferers, some of whom remained unconscious and some could not eat. There was an ineffable sadness in my heart. By this time, I realized that no matter how famous and exalted we humans were, we were so insignificant before the disease. One day, mom suddenly fell unconscious. I was in a blue funk, desperately crying for her, but she never woke up again. The moment mom left, the whole world meant nothing to me, whatever the status, the job, the car, or the house.
What Road to Take Since my mom passed away, I was very depressed, not in the mood for lessons. I muddled through my schoolwork, and didn’t even want to revise for examinations. I was just like a walking corpse. When alone, I could not help thinking: All along, what keep me going are the aims of becoming successful, being highly thought of, and living up to my parents’ expectation. For this reason, I have endured enormous pressure. Yet mom’s sudden passing makes me realize that our lives are limited. No one knows when we will leave the world. Could it be that we come to the world just to live such a hard life until the end? Where on earth is my way of life?
The Gospel Came to Me One day, a workmate believing in the Lord invited me to join their online gathering. At that time, I was very depressed. In order to find a motivation to go on, I accepted it. In one meeting, I told my brothers and sisters about my mom’s passing away. They felt sorry for me. Brother Zhao fellowshiped, “We humans distance ourselves from God, living under Satan’s domain and suffering from its harm. We may even be swallowed by Satan at any instant. In our previous belief in the Lord, we all knew we have been corrupted by Satan, but there was no way to learn how it corrupted us. Only when I read God’s words did I gain some discernment about Satan’s means of corrupting us humans. God says: ‘Man has walked through these periods together with God, yet he knows not that God rules the fate of all things and living beings, nor how God orchestrates and directs all things. This has eluded man from time immemorial to the present day. As for why, it is not because the deeds of God are too hidden, nor because the plan of God has yet to be realized, but because the heart and spirit of man are too distant from God, to the point where man remains in the service of Satan even as he follows God—and still doesn’t know it. No one actively seeks out God’s footsteps and the appearance of God, and no one is willing to exist in the care and keeping of God. Instead, they wish to rely on the corrosion of Satan, the evil one, in order to adapt to this world, and to the rules of existence that wicked mankind follows. At this point, the heart and spirit of man have become man’s tribute to Satan and become Satan’s foodstuff. Even more, the human heart and spirit have become a place in which Satan can reside and its fitting playground. Thus does man unknowingly lose his understanding of the principles of being human, and of the value and meaning of human existence. The laws of God and the covenant between God and man gradually fade away in man’s heart, and he ceases to seek or pay heed to God. With the passage of time, man no longer understands why God created him, nor does he understand the words from the mouth of God and all that comes from God. Man then begins to resist the laws and decrees of God, and his heart and spirit become deadened…. God loses the man that He originally created, and man loses the root of his beginning: This is the sorrow of this human race.”
Then Brother Zhao continued to fellowship, “Adam and Eve originally lived a happy life in the garden of Eden created by God. They had no fatigue or pain, much less the taste of death. However, they listened to Satan’s lies to betray God, and as a result, they lived under the influence of Satan. For thousands of years, Satan has been deceiving and poisoning us with various views of great men and celebrities as well as its education, such as ‘Money is first,’ ‘No pain, no gain,’ and ‘Money makes the world go round.’ After we accept these viewpoints from Satan, our view on life, values, and life goals are changed. We admire position and power. We think, without money and power, we will be despised as incapable. We believe that money and power can make our way prosperous and give us a charming and happy life. Consequently, we spare no effort to earn money and keep busy for most of our lives. In the end, however, we gain nothing but death. Obviously, Satan’s fallacies bring us nothing but pain and darkness. Only if we clearly see the truth of Satan corrupting mankind can we shake off the pain.”
Brother Zhao’s communication made me understand that the reason why we live with so much pain is that we are distant from God and corrupted by Satan, living amidst its suffering. Only when we come in front of God to be saved, can we enjoy peace and happiness. I was enlightened by Brother Zhao’s communication and I felt that God’s words were very well spoken. As soon as I got home, I searched for the God’s words
Brother Zhao communicated and found the website of The Church of Almighty God: https://www.kingdomsalvation.org. On the website I saw many books of God’s words, hymns, movies, MVs, and so on. The content was so abundant that I could hardly contain my excitement. I decided to continue investigating Almighty God’s work of the last days.
Detecting Satan’s Trickery In a meeting, a sister read a passage of God’s words which said: “In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for is inextricably linked with two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and these are things Satan intends to instill in man. Which two words are these? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very subtle kind of way, a way very much in concert with people’s notions; it is not any kind of radical way. In the midst of unawareness, people come to accept Satan’s way of living, its rules of living, establishing life goals and their direction in life, and in doing so they also unknowingly come to have ideals in life. No matter how high-sounding these ideals in life seem, they are just a pretext that is inextricably linked to fame and gain. … So Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts until all they can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds man with invisible shackles. These shackles are borne on people, and they have not the strength nor courage to throw them off. So people trudge ever onward in great difficulty, unknowingly bearing these shackles.”
The sister fellowshiped, “In the world, no one is willing to fall behind. Everyone wants to stand above others. Because we are influenced by Satan’s viewpoints such as ‘Distinguishing oneself and bringing honor to his ancestors,’ ‘Those who toil with their minds govern others, and those who toil with their hands are governed by others.’ We think we should pursue to be outstanding and regarded highly of, which we think is the only way to make our life valuable and worthwhile. To achieve this goal, we toil and endure humiliation to struggle. From others’ perspective, we seem to be ambitious, but according to God’s words, the final aim we purse is to obtain fame and gain, which is filled with Satan’s trickeries. Satan seduces and corrupts us by fame and gain to make us turn our backs to God so that it can swallow us in the end.”
I was struck by her communication. From my childhood, my parents educated me to be a successful person above others. For this reason, I established a great goal and struggled for it. Even though I was enduring humiliation and nearly collapse, I was never tempted to give up. In order to realize my ideal and aim, I suffered many pains, and even lost my health. I lived so miserably owing to the pursuit of fame and gain. But for God’s salvation, I would never see through Satan’s evil intention and would have remained fooled, abused, and hurt by it tirelessly.
Finding the Answer In the following days, I read the words of Almighty God every day. Gradually I gained some discernment with regard to the ways in which Satan corrupts man. The purpose of Satan’s deceiving and corrupting us is to make us resist God and stay away from God’s care and protection, whereas God utters the truth to save us, making us cast off Satan’s deception and shackles and walk the proper path for a human being. Once we gain the truth through our faith in God, we can cast off sin and live according to His words, and we can obtain God’s blessings and live in His care and protection. Having understood God’s intention, I was unwilling to be deceived and abused by Satan again.
One day, Sister Yang sent me a link. She told me that the words of God clearly reveal the six junctures we must go through from birth to death. She advised me to read it in my spare time. I clicked the link, and viewed the web page. A passage caught my fancy. God’s words said: “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could keep on living, could exempt themselves from death. But only when they are close to dying do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person is, no matter how lofty his or her position is, all people are equally poor and inconsequential in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second.”
God’s words made me see that without the truth and the knowledge of God’s sovereignty, we wrack our brains and make efforts to chase after fame and gain. Only when we reach the end of our lives, do we find that life is the most precious. No matter how much money we own, no matter how many people look up to us, our life can’t be lengthened. Money and fame can’t save us, much less buy us life. God’s words are so real. I accompanied my mother to spend the last days of her life. When she knew her life was close to the end, she was so helpless and painful. Only then did I find our lives are invaluable. As for other patients in the ward, no matter whether they were powerful or wealthy, their lives could not be lengthened. In the face of death, they equally appeared very insignificant. Only by believing in God can we obtain God’s protection, obtain peace and happiness. If we depart from God to pursue knowledge, high position, great wealth, and fame, it will be meaningless because all of these are empty. Understanding this, I felt released, and was free from the depression because of mom’s death. Thank God for His selection. He made me realize what meaningful and worthy things I should pursue in the world. I have a long way to go in life. I resolve to follow God and experience His work for the rest of my life.
Finding My Real Life After the acceptance of Almighty God’s work of the last days, I gathered with brothers and sisters while attending school. By reading God’s words, I had some knowledge of God’s sovereignty, and therefore I began to entrust my daily life to God. Once I returned to my hometown, dad told me that he had no real job for more than a year, but surprisingly, every time he needed to pay my tuition, somebody would offer him a job, and the money he earned was just enough. I was very moved at his words. I knew it was God’s deeds. God was protecting me secretly. At that moment, I had deeper experience of His almightiness and sovereignty. I thought of God’s word which said: “If one views life as an opportunity to experience the Creator’s sovereignty and come to know His authority, if one sees one’s life as a rare chance to perform one’s duty as a created human being and to fulfill one’s mission, then one will necessarily have the correct outlook on life, will live a life blessed and guided by the Creator, will walk in the light of the Creator, know the Creator’s sovereignty, come under His dominion, become a witness to His miraculous deeds and to His authority.”
Looking back on my past, I was bitter and pained without God. It was God’s mercy and grace that brought me to His home. Only then did I experience how happy one will be after returning before the Creator. I would choose a new path of life. In the past, what kept me going on was to stand out, and my aim was to get cars, houses, and money. Now they are not the focus of my life. Nothing but coming before God, reading more of His words, and experiencing His work, are the right path in life.
After graduation, I found a relaxing job, guided by God. Though it didn’t pay much, it was adequate for me to live on. At present, through the meetings with my brothers and sisters, and continual reading of God’s words, I come to understand some truth. I try to practice the truth and live by God’s words in my work and life. I enjoy my work and perform my duty to the best of my ability in God’s family with increasing freedom and relaxation. Thank Almighty God. It is God’s words that changed my life and guided me into the true way of life.
Read more on our Christian Testimonies page.
|
|
|
| Total comments: 0 | |